I am unsure about the state of my feelings.
I have spent nearly 18 years of my life unconditionally loving my family and my friends.
Yet, I have never loved anyone else and I don't know why. There have always been opportunities and chances but I just never took them or even accepted them. And once again, I don't know why.
I don't think I am afraid of connection or commitment. I do think I am afraid of the unknown.
I have felt attraction, and I continue to feel attraction, yet it has never developed. I tend to run away as soon as there is interest, and if I don't run, I just become uninterested.
And as horrible as it may sound, all I start to see are flaws in the other person. Reasons for me to not like them or be interested, even though a month before when there was no interest in me, I felt all the desire in my body chasing after his soul.
Maybe it's because I have not met a person for me, that's what I've been told, but for some reason, I don't believe it.
I think that my body and mind is just capable of unwinding itself from any situations that would lead to a relationship. It's as if I forget how to communicate, act normal, and be myself.
I have spent nearly 18 years of my life unconditionally loving my family and my friends.
Yet, I have never loved anyone else and I don't know why. There have always been opportunities and chances but I just never took them or even accepted them. And once again, I don't know why.
I don't think I am afraid of connection or commitment. I do think I am afraid of the unknown.
I have felt attraction, and I continue to feel attraction, yet it has never developed. I tend to run away as soon as there is interest, and if I don't run, I just become uninterested.
And as horrible as it may sound, all I start to see are flaws in the other person. Reasons for me to not like them or be interested, even though a month before when there was no interest in me, I felt all the desire in my body chasing after his soul.
Maybe it's because I have not met a person for me, that's what I've been told, but for some reason, I don't believe it.
I think that my body and mind is just capable of unwinding itself from any situations that would lead to a relationship. It's as if I forget how to communicate, act normal, and be myself.
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